100224- A joke

.....A tour guide out at the wharf was playing up the area's colonial history, even affecting a period persona. "Aye", he said, "there be pirates on these shores even to this very day!" "Pirates?" cried one tourist incredulously. "They attack countries without coast guards or out in the middle of the ocean beyond jurisdiction. There haven't been organized pirates around here since the Civil War!" The guard squinted. "Err... oh, really? Well I says there is!" "All right", said the tourist, "prove it. Just show me a pirate." The crowd turned and looked at the tour guide, who was sweating but determined not to break character.
.....The guide looked around the large but sparsely populated docks and then pointed. "There! You see? That... rugged old gentleman with his hands shoved deep in his pockets? Well, you may think they're both hands, but one of them is solid, cold metal. That there is none other than Harry the Hook!" "Harry the Hook?" repeated the skeptical tourist. "Aye! Once while harpoonin' a... a... a narwahl," and the guide looked around to make sure the crowd was following him on this,"he was a-haulin' it up on deck when it lunged and swallered his prize telescope!" The tourist rolled his eyes. "Well, he weren't gonna stand fer that from no fish! He grabbed the horn with one hand and put one boot on its lower jaw and reached in... ah, but the boot slipped and the beastie bit his hand clear off!" Most of the crowd gave a startled jump and a look of concern. "Of course, medicine being what it is on a pirate ship, all they could for him was fashion the hook he wears to this day. And that's why they call him Harry the Hook."
....."Oh, come on!" pleaded the skeptic. "You can't expect us to believe that in this day and age... and anyway, you said there were 'pirates'-- that's plural, with an 's'. You got any more vagrants with their hands in their pockets?" The guide squinted again and thought, "I might, I might". He had to look a few more seconds this time but finally pointed and said, "Ah-ha! That gentleman you see limpin' over there. That limp doesn't come from the gout, oh, no. That's because that man there is none other than the notorious Peg-Leg Pete!" The crowd had all turned as one to stare at the disheveled drunk and together made a quiet 'ooooh' sound. "Oh, for the love of-- are you people serious?" shouted the skeptic. "Can't you see what he's doing here? The next thing you know, he's going to start telling you some phony-baloney story about him prying open a shark's mouth when his foot slipped and the shark bites it off! So, unless you're willing to go up to some totally skeevy-looking stranger and pull his boots off, he's free to say, 'there you go, that there is how he got the name Peg-Leg Pete'!" The guide was clenching his teeth when suddenly his face brightened and he straightened his back. "So you've heard of him?" said the guide. For the first time the tourist was speechless. "I must apologize," the guide continued, "I had no idea you were an expert. In fact, had I known I would have offered you the advanced tour we normally reserve for graduate students from the colleges." The guide began to lead the now totally confused skeptic past a boathouse they had been standing near. "You see, most people find it a bit stuffy and academic for their vacation, but you? Oh, I can see you're a man of learning, a man of real depth..." he continued as the two of them disappeared around the back of the boathouse, leaving the crowd silently perplexed. They stared at each other, the sky, their own feet, each other again, etc. Then there came a few minutes of shuffling, banging and clattering from behind the boathouse. It had stopped for a few minutes when the guide slowly emerged around the corner.
.....The crowd stared blankly at the guide until one of them asked the obvious question, "What happened to that other guy?" "Oh, him?" gasped the guide, "well, he got so caught up in our conversation, it inspired him to go off and become a pirate himself!" The members of the crowd looked at each other in pleasant surprise and there were a few 'oh, my's. "Of course," continued the guide, "you'll probably know him by his pirate name from now on. He'll be known as Woody Woodpecker."