100123- A joke

.....You only live once. Any more would kill you.

100122- A joke

.....I saw some guy at a party recently showing off his trophy wife. I'm guessing it was for bowling.

100121- A joke

.....[Greeting a third party]: "Hi, [A], I'm glad you came by. I was just telling [B] here about you, and, you know, it's always nice to have proof."

100120- A joke

.....If you've ever tried to double-check the facts of statements made on the Fox News channel, it's an experience that can best be described as the "Oh, Really?" factor.

100119- A joke

.....When people ask me why I'm so cynical and bitter and pessimistic and nihilistic and misanthropic, I just hold my head up and look them straight in the eye and say, "I believe the children are our future."

100118- A joke

.....Have you ever had vuja de? That's the nagging feeling that you're going to be experiencing this moment again later.

100117- A joke

.....Is there a reason why aspirin comes with a child-proof cap and vodka doesn't?