100313- A joke

.....With baseball season starting up, the professional leagues have finally decided to do a little preventative maintenance regarding steroid abuse. From the perspective of management, the problems don't stem from the abuse but from getting caught when it becomes so comically obvious that even congressmen notice. So, to prevent things getting that far out of hand the owners have opted for the 'theme park' approach. From now on at the doors to each of the locker rooms there will be a die-cut plywood cartoon character with an outstretched hand and a word balloon reading, "You must be this tall and able to scratch your ass with both hands to play this game!"

100312- A joke

.....For a lot of people of my generation and younger, workplace sensitivity training feels much like being told how to tie your shoes. When you're thirty years old. And the people instructing you are wearing velcro boots.

100311- A joke

.....I was wondering: can you legally change your name to "Guess"? And if so, exactly what is the procedure if you're stopped by a policeman?

100310- A joke

.....Have you been swept in right-wing pseudo-Christian hysteria during the last thirty years? Have you said a lot of rabidly intolerant, decidedly un-Christian things? In print? On video? Worried that people you know might find that online screed from a few years ago where you declared that left-handed people were evil and should be publicly executed? Embarrassing, isn't it? Well, rather than pretend that your mistakes didn't happen, or that they aren't mistakes, why not own up to them and learn from them? Rather than pretend that there's a religious basis for your behavior, you could actually have a religious basis for your behavior. Just ask yourself: WWBRFD? What Would Buddha Refrain From Doing?

100309- A joke

.....When life gives you lemons, contract citric toxemia.

100308- A joke

.....An aquaintance, J.-- , had been unemployed for so long that he was forced to cut his losses and stop paying his mortgage. Like many these days he would just allow it to default rather than pour money he needed to survive into a home that was no longer worth as much as he owed. He spent the last few months selling furniture and other possessions online and putting the money in the names of solvent friends and relatives. It would pay for gas and food so that he and his wife could live in their SUV and drive until he found work. I was helping him pack what was left into it when I asked him how his wife was taking the news.
....."She's taking it better than I expected," J.-- said. "She really hasn't complained at all. I think she's afraid to." I was stunned. There had never been any signs of violence in their marriage. "Why would she be scared of you?" I asked. "Oh, hell," said J.--, "it's not me she's afraid of. It's just that ever since we got married she's been grousing about how I never take her anywhere. Now that it's the only thing we'll be doing for a while, I'm guessing she's getting extremely particular about what she wishes for."

100307- A joke

.....The thing that distinguishes 'sports radio' from other radio formats is that 'sports radio' is where people with tiny walnuts in their skulls scream about people with tiny walnuts in their pants.