100213- A joke

.....Japan's greatest strength has always been to improve rather than to innovate. For centuries it has taken the creative works of others (the Chinese, the Americans) in arts and technology and fine tuned them to perfection. For that reason many in the entertainment industry are anxiously awaiting news of Japan's greatest film star, Godzilla, following the much tinier footsteps of American movie actors who have left the high stakes silver screen for the regular work of television sitcoms. At the moment he's still reviewing scripts and nothing has been decided yet, but some contenders are:

• "How I Met Your Mothra"
• "Everybody Loves Radioactivity"
• "Accidently On Tokyo"
• "Mash" (It's not what you're thinking; it's not the acronym. It's kind of... well, it worked better as a pilot than it would as a series.)

100212- A joke

.....I don't think Glen Beck actually says anything during his broadcasts. I think the voices in his head are so loud that they get picked up by the microphones.

100211- A joke

.....[A teenage boy to his girlfriend]: "You have to believe me; I'm not one of those guys who can say they love you when they don't even like you and tell you what they think you want to hear just so they can get you into bed. But I'm willing to learn."

100210- A joke

.....The next time some prude asks rhetorically, "Why is there so much sex in the movies and television these days?", you should just tell them the truth: it's because you can't smell the movies. That simple, often overlooked fact is a very large part of maintaining fantasy. You may not notice your own scent, but if you ever had to smell another couple having sex, you'd just get up and leave. If you could smell movies, the only sex scenes would occur in serious, uncompromising art films. All the crap at the multiplex would have gratuitous, cloyingly edited footage of freshly cooked meals.

100209-A joke

.....Everybody talks about teen sex but nobody's doing anything about it. Well, they're not doing it with me, anyway.

100208- A joke

.....Baby, you've got that little extra something. I think it's a chromosome.

100207- A joke

.....[To a teenage boy:] "You shouldn't say you're unattractive. I'll have you know that many cultures consider a nose that size to be a sign of virility. And if we were in one of those cultures, you'd understand that."