100401- Menu Options

.....Thank you for calling You're Welcome. If you're receiving this message it means that you have called on April Fool's Day, our only recognized holiday, and have been forwarded to voice mail. We would be happy to fulfill your low-rent humor needs during regular business hours, which are every day. As a service to our valued bipolar and emotionally stunted customers we offer the following menu in lieu of today's joke:

• For English, press one.
• For Spanish, press dos.
• For Danish, press three.
• For coffee with that Danish, press four.
• For the hell of it, press five. I always wanted to see what happens.
• If you're just waiting for a chance to give strangers personal information, press six.
• If you wanted to know why Paul McCartney stopped smoking pot, "Press To Play".
• If the first thing that comes to mind when you want to reassure someone that you don't look like Carl from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is that "my head is a completely different shape from his", press seven.
• If you forgot to take your medication, press eight.
• If you le-ee-eave me now, press nine.
• If you wish to hear this menu again, take two aspirin and press zero.
• If you wish to speak to a human operator, hang up and call the same number again. It will save you the time spent on hold until we did it to you anyway.