2019-01-15 Sometimes the best presents are homemade.

I haven't used this blog in a while because, frankly, there hasn't been much to feel funny about in the last three years. That's not to say that there hasn't been much to laugh at, just that much more to enrage. And it looks increasingly that that's not an accident. The United States, and the world that has invested much in it and its ideals, has been under attack and not by starving Guatemalans.

First of all, the criminal mob running Russia spent a lot of money to...

...in our election .Their puppet still wants to spend all of our money on...

...that he promised others would pay for. And China, who wanted to get..

...have beaten us to...

Much of what made these things possible has been...

...on the part of voters almost three years ago and the...

...they put into office. They wouldn't listen to scientists, intelligence experts, actuaries or anyone with first hand experience or a lifetime devoted to studying the effects of their policies. All they heard was...

...and the...

of well-paid right-wing provocateurs on TV, cable, radio, newspapers and online services (who, without any sense of irony, perpetually complain about the left-wing controlling the media) and their...

...of propaganda disguised (not well) as news.  Facts and even the sense that there is any objective truth became...

...and led anybody who still hadn't lost their mind to ask,...

All of this gave the country little choice but to turn over the House of Representatives to a different political party by voting in young, motivated and vocal legislators last year. Unfortunately, their party is still run by...

...of...

...without a...

It still provides a...

...in the...

...for the next election. There's plenty to indicate that...

...will..

...in...

And...

...if our previous President is reading this by any chance...

140223 A joke

.....I'd like to ease back into posting with a few musical jokes.

.....(ahem).....

.....Did you hear the one about the horny orchestra conductor? He'd go for anything in a scherzo.

.....(____).....

.....Hello? Is this mike on?

130103- A joke

I'm a simple man with simple needs, really. A cat, a laser-pointer and a theremin, that's all I really ask.

100401- Menu Options

.....Thank you for calling You're Welcome. If you're receiving this message it means that you have called on April Fool's Day, our only recognized holiday, and have been forwarded to voice mail. We would be happy to fulfill your low-rent humor needs during regular business hours, which are every day. As a service to our valued bipolar and emotionally stunted customers we offer the following menu in lieu of today's joke:

• For English, press one.
• For Spanish, press dos.
• For Danish, press three.
• For coffee with that Danish, press four.
• For the hell of it, press five. I always wanted to see what happens.
• If you're just waiting for a chance to give strangers personal information, press six.
• If you wanted to know why Paul McCartney stopped smoking pot, "Press To Play".
• If the first thing that comes to mind when you want to reassure someone that you don't look like Carl from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is that "my head is a completely different shape from his", press seven.
• If you forgot to take your medication, press eight.
• If you le-ee-eave me now, press nine.
• If you wish to hear this menu again, take two aspirin and press zero.
• If you wish to speak to a human operator, hang up and call the same number again. It will save you the time spent on hold until we did it to you anyway.

100302- A joke

.....If there's anything worse than recording artists who can't sing using autotune programs to pretend that they can, it's artists who can sing using autotune programs to pretend that they can't. Why are people like Mary J. Blige wasting their time with robotic voices? Could you imagine the Metropolitan Opera hiring Luciano Pavarotti or Leontyne Price twenty years ago, and then when they got there handing them a kazoo and saying, "All the kids are doing it?"

100225- A joke

.....How come nobody remembers John Lennon as "the guy who broke up Fluxus"?

100126- A joke

.....Andrew Lloyd Webber has announced that he's run out of classic works of literature to destroy and is now waiting for Judith Krantz novels to become public domain so that he can turn them into musicals.

100111- A joke

.....I'm reaching the age when everything I see seems to be an old concept just cycling around again. Either that, or my astrological sign is a coda.