130104- A joke

So, NRA honcho Wayne LaPierre has stated, pretty forcefully, that the national response to the recent spate of mass killings should not be reinstating the ban on the only weapons that make such multiple murders possible. Instead, he insists, there should be stricter mental health screenings involved. Ohboyohboyohboy... this definitely comes under the heading of "Be careful what you wish for." I'm guessing ol' Wayne hasn't read very much O. Henry or seen too many episodes of "The Twilight Zone". It would be kind of embarrassing for somebody whose job was to speak for a firearms lobby to have to tell people he's not allowed to own a gun just because he's crazier than an outhouse rat.

100510- A joke

.....Hello? I'm calling about the aptitude test I took, the one for job placement? Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, I haven't taken anything like this since high school, so I'm probably a little behind on the terminology. I just got the results back with my... let's see, it says, "Optimal potential occupational field determination" whatever that is. Anyway, under that it just says, "Cautionary tale". I was wondering... is that hourly or salary?

100416- A joke

.....I'd hate to work in the R&D department of a bakery. Where's the motivation? I mean, let's say you finally managed to create a genuinely innovative, revolutionary development in sliced bread; how do you brag about it? "It's the greatest thing since..., um,... uh, never mind."

100313- A joke

.....With baseball season starting up, the professional leagues have finally decided to do a little preventative maintenance regarding steroid abuse. From the perspective of management, the problems don't stem from the abuse but from getting caught when it becomes so comically obvious that even congressmen notice. So, to prevent things getting that far out of hand the owners have opted for the 'theme park' approach. From now on at the doors to each of the locker rooms there will be a die-cut plywood cartoon character with an outstretched hand and a word balloon reading, "You must be this tall and able to scratch your ass with both hands to play this game!"

100312- A joke

.....For a lot of people of my generation and younger, workplace sensitivity training feels much like being told how to tie your shoes. When you're thirty years old. And the people instructing you are wearing velcro boots.

100308- A joke

.....An aquaintance, J.-- , had been unemployed for so long that he was forced to cut his losses and stop paying his mortgage. Like many these days he would just allow it to default rather than pour money he needed to survive into a home that was no longer worth as much as he owed. He spent the last few months selling furniture and other possessions online and putting the money in the names of solvent friends and relatives. It would pay for gas and food so that he and his wife could live in their SUV and drive until he found work. I was helping him pack what was left into it when I asked him how his wife was taking the news.
....."She's taking it better than I expected," J.-- said. "She really hasn't complained at all. I think she's afraid to." I was stunned. There had never been any signs of violence in their marriage. "Why would she be scared of you?" I asked. "Oh, hell," said J.--, "it's not me she's afraid of. It's just that ever since we got married she's been grousing about how I never take her anywhere. Now that it's the only thing we'll be doing for a while, I'm guessing she's getting extremely particular about what she wishes for."

100101- A joke

.....I've been unemployed for two years as of today. It's like I'm always telling young people: never follow when you can lead.